Trying.

There are defining moments in our lives. When those gravitating events happen and you think to yourself, "I'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life.". The truth is, you probably won't. Not everything. The memory fades like the once bright color of clothes you've washed too many times. This, though is more true for bad memories. Selective memory is when your brain subconsciously opts to repress undesirable contents in order to sustain its sanity. Is it, really?

the oblivion at first, because these things don't ever come with a warning, no triangular orange sign to tell you danger is near. the words and shouts that were so loud i used to wonder if the neighbours could hear us. and if they did, what did they think of us? the shoves, pushes, chokes exchanged. the second i held my breath because he lifted a chair. when she fainted and fell to the ground. the white of her lips, the cold sweat dripping down her forehead. when i knelt in front him pleading. the fear that bubbled inside me when i saw blood on his hands. pieces of glass edged into his trembling palm. the knife she held when she came out of the kitchen. when it seemed like the boxes of tissue wouldn't be enough to wipe away the tears. voices that told me i shouldn't cry and i thought to myself "easy for you to say." the books, furniture, among other things that were flung across the room. the sound of the police siren filling the emptiness of the room. when we knew we needed to fix everything the next morning. when we realized it was impossible. 


Think of this what you want. A chance to tell a story. A post intended to complain. A moment of weakness. A shot at sympathy, even. But if there's so much of even an inkling inside you that can relate to this and you don't know what to do, where it leads you; Well, this is my testimony.


A man of God once said to me that humans aren't perfect and that is precisely why we need God. Because His perfection makes up for all the flaws we find in one another. The people we love, the families, friends, lovers. I can't tell you word for word, why you should believe in Jesus Christ. But I can assure you that His love is what helped me forgive the people who caused me pain. His love is the reason I stopped forcing my mind to forget that night, because it made me grow, made me who I am. His love is what makes me believe that I suffered then, for a better cause.


Maybe that cause is to tell the story and convince you today that He is real ;)