Thought I had steered clear. Pain-free. Perhaps even immune to those ever familiar emotions. Thought maybe I had walked away from that rut. Heading towards a different direction. Done playing the same game. Thought I had hit the stop button. Put an end to the unending struggle.
Thought all these, not knowing I already had my finger pressing down on rewind. Not realising I'd set myself on loop. It's like a recurring bad dream. The ones where you find yourself screaming so hard, your throat burns. And yet, no one hears so much as an inkling of that beseeching voice.
Thought I'd relapse on something else. Cigarettes, maybe. Alcohol. Even you. Thought you were the worst case scenario. But this hurts so much more, it makes me wonder if I'd rather it be you.
It's like, waking up in the middle of a surgery. And you see the doctor's gloved hands inside of you, trying his best to fix your messed up parts, to reassemble your broken pieces. And you lay there, utterly helpless. With faith that he's saving your life.
Well, hold on to that faith, because it's all you'll have for now.
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